Imagine

So Gavin's at that age now where he's starting to make stuff up.  Not that he intentionally lies or anything. He's just trying to put all of the different concepts in his head together into something that makes sense. As those of us of a certain age can attest, that can be a pretty futile task.  Sometimes the sources of our confusion converge.  Like with all these fake people I have to pretend to be in order to preserve the innocence of childhood: the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the granddaddy of them all: Santa Claus.  Of the three, Santa Claus is the only one I kind of understand. But who came up with the Easter Bunny hiding eggs of all things? And the Tooth Fairy? I don't get it.

But we do it.  

The reason I bring this up is because it's the fantasy creatures that seem to have captured Gavin's attention lately. Like yesterday, his Dad and I got him a little gift for Valentine's Day.  He announces that it must have come from the Groundhog.  I didn't even know he knew about the Groundhog, this isn't something that's really discussed in our house. February 2 is like every other day. Yet, when I suggested, "Or maybe it's from Mom & Dad?"  I got: "No. It's from the Groundhog." Ummmm.....okay? But today, which was just like any other Wednesday, did not involve a treat to start the morning and he didn't say anything about it.  He did, however, tell me that he liked me and wants to get me a coffee mug with a heart on it. Two, actually, so I can share it with "my Daddy."  He's pretty sweet that way.

And then there was bedtime.  We've been pretty lucky that both kids are usually pretty good about going to bed. None of this epic battle stuff I hear about from other moms.  There might be some dawdling, but no screaming or crying. I'm kind of scared that I've lost any chance I had to win the lottery simply because I have been spared the bedtime battles.  

So tonight, when Gavin started having a fit and refused to brush his teeth, it was really odd.  What we were able to discern in between the sobs and screams was that he wants his teeth to fall out so that the Tooth Fairy can come and give him his own money.  We told him that if he wants his own money we can start giving him an allowance. But no, he wants that visit from the Tooth Fairy. Good. That's a lot cheaper for me. 

So I'll keep up the illusion. I'd much rather have him believe than not. 

Tuesdays

Since Christmas, we've settled into another Tuesday routine.  I pick the kids up around 12:10 and drop Gavin off at preschool.  Mia has usually fallen asleep in the car and she'll nap until it's time for us to pick him up again. This means I usually get at least one and a half precious hours to eat lunch and make phone calls and clean up around the house.  Or else I'll just surf the internet and tell myself I'm researching things. And by "researching" I mean reading Jezebel and Gawker.  You know, important stuff.   

If it's a nice day, we'll play at the park outside the preschool for a bit.  When we get home, I make popcorn and the kids settle in to watch a movie before supper while I bake cookies.  It's been like this for about three weeks, which is enough weeks to call it an actual routine.  The first week I baked your standard chocolate chip cookies using a recipe from The Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook I got from my Aunt Vick at Christmas.  Last Tuesday it was Oatmeal Raisin, again from The Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook. Today I made Almond Butter Chocolate Chip cookies from The Coup cookbook.  (It's one of our favorite restaurants here in Calgary and I was so excited when I found out that I could try the recipes at home. So far everything has been fantastic!)

Most times the kids will help me make the cookies.  And by "help" I mean lick the beaters and the bowl.  It's nice, just being here with them.  We put puzzles together and read books. It's not glamorous, but it's so awesome. I love it when Mia says, "Right Mama?" or when Gavin randomly comments, "I like you Mom." Of course, it's punctuated with Mia taking her dirty diaper off in the middle of her bedroom and Gavin crying because he wants another snack.  But I don't remember the nasty parts.  That's not the important stuff.

Yesterday, the Mommy Blogging community lost a beloved member. Susan Niebur (@whymommy) died after a five year battle with inflammatory breast cancer. She left behind a husband and two little boys, not to mention scores of friends and family members. I never met her, but I cried when I heard the news that she'd finally lost her battle. I thought of the post on her blog, Toddler Planet, just days after Christmas.  She detailed how her goal for the past year was to make it to see her youngest son in the pageant at mass on Christmas Eve.  Her faithfulness is inspiring in the way that only people near the end of their life's journey is.  So pure and reverent.  In the final paragraph she writes:

" Our Christmas card this year was stuffed full of pictures of the good times – so very many good times that would never have happened for me without the medical advances enabled by cancer research, the confidence that comes from belief in a loving God and the existence of tomorrow, and a supportive and loving family that loves me for what I can do, not judging when I can’t."

May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen. 

Possible

In third-year university I took a seminar in International Development. I wrote an essay about gender and inequality that included the sentence, "I have never felt like I have been denied an opportunity simply because I am a woman."  I think that most women of my generation - at least those of us in the North America - would feel much the same way.  Is the glass ceiling still there? Of course. And there will always be difficult choices when it comes to balancing a career and family life.  I think the difference is that my generation believes that if they want the corner office and work hard enough and make the right decisions, it can be theirs.  It's Possible.

I have both my parents to thank for that, of course.  There was never any doubt that I would go to university, and have a career.  Neither of them ever suggested after we had our children that maybe I should consider staying home.  When I was still living at home, I was able to go out with my friends without much trouble.  "Just call if you need a ride a home, okay?", was the most I ever heard.  I definitely had my moments of teenage rebellion, but overall I think I turned out okay.

That's what makes the Shafia family murders so abhorrent to me.  That a parent could ever kill their own child is hard enough to digest, but the motive is particularly disgusting. Those poor girls never had a chance to find out how they could change the world.  It would appear that their lives were marked with suspicion and distrust, simply because they were female and lived with a father who believed that to be a liability.  

I believe we each have our own reasons for pursuing a certain path.  Some of us are carrying on a legacy passed down through generations.  Others "fall" into a career or a life at home or both.  I have no intention of getting into a debate about whether one is better than the other; we all choose based on what works best for us and our families.  But I think we need to do a better job of celebrating the fact that these are choices, that in our country and our culture these choices are available to women.  We can decide how we want to live our life and we need to offer better support to women who are trapped in situations where these choices have been taken away.

We need to be living examples of these values, so that all little girls can see what's Possible.