Having it All...Whatever that Means

When I was working, I tried to read Above the Law on a regular basis. Since I've been home and the time I'm able to spend on the computer has become more sporadic I haven't been able to read it as much, but the other day I found myself with a few minutes to spare and decided to take a look. And there, right at the top of the page was an article seemed to be calling me, "Female Lawyers, Can You Have it All?"

Seeing as I've been trying to find the answer to this question for oh, seven years or so now, I immediately clicked on the link to see if I'd finally found what I was looking for. Alas, according to the article's authors the answer was a resounding, "NO!" As one of the authors, Above the Law editor Elie Mistal put it:

"Unless you were born into comfortable wealth, or born too stupid to ever really make something of yourself, you’re going to be dealing with a series of painful trade-offs until the merciful end."

I figured as much - knew it in my heart of hearts - but that never makes it easier to hear. They asked readers to share their opinions. I couldn't read them all, but they did provide some perspective.

First, the conversation assumes that in order to have it "all" you need to have children, because it's all about balancing the needs of your family vs. the needs of your boss/client. I suppose then that the more accurate question would be whether it's possible to have a successful career in law while giving birth to and raising reasonably well-adjusted children. And that's where I think the answer gets a bit more complicated.

It will always be difficult (the article's authors say impossible) to have a successful Biglaw career and raise a family, based simply on the amount of billable hours that are required in order to advance at those firms. It's an argument based on simple math that's hard to find fault with. I'm sure you can find anecdotal evidence of the Biglaw lawyer who birthed more than one child and still made partner in record time but I would bet you most of what I have that she had a nanny. Or a stay-at-home husband. Or both.

What's interesting is that lately more and more female lawyers are moving away from the traditional law firm setting in order to create a working environment that's more conducive to meeting their family's needs. I'm thinking of Carolyn Elefant over at My Shingle , who not only launched a successful solo practice but who also spends a significant amount of time educating other lawyers on how to set their own pace outside of the traditional law firm. Or Stephanie Kimbro at Kimbro Law Office, who used her husband's knowledge of computer engineering to create her virtual law office and the software that will allow thousands of other lawyers to do the same.

Hanna Rosin recently wrote in The Atlantic that for the first time ever, women in the workforce outnumber men. In her article, The End of Men, she writes how the companies who have been most successful at innovation and creativity - in other words, those companies who are thriving in this current marketplace - are those who have promoted women. We've known for the past several years that law schools are graduating more and more women. It stands to reason that those law firms that will be most successful at adapting to the changing marketplace will be those who recognize that they are going to have to adapt to the needs of the talent, not vice versa. The risk of being left behind, of being made irrelevant, is just too great.

Still, I think the answer is that it's not so much about having it "all", but about creating the life you want. Some women are so passionate about what they do that they make their life choices (i.e. spouse, children, where to live, etc.) to fit their job. There's nothing wrong with that. What we're finally starting to see though is a workforce that's more inclined to make its own rules to try to create a life that's meaningful for them, a life that includes a fulfilling career AND a spouse AND children. So maybe those authors were only half-right. Yes, certain careers demand that you sometimes have to choose between your family and your job, but that doesn't mean you can't have the type of life you want. Does it?

Maternity Rolls

That's why it's been so long since I've written. I know I've mentioned before on this blog that I find it difficult to write my day-to-day life because I'm not sure that anyone would find it very interesting. And I've been too busy to peruse the headlines to try to find someone else's story to blog about. The next thing you know nearly a month has gone by and I haven't had anything to say.

That's not to say that life has been boring. Far from it. The weather's been pretty terrible, but it seems like every day my bits of sunshine find a way to bring the light in. Whether it's Mia's giggles or Gavin trying to do something, succeeding and saying so proudly, "I did it myself Mom!", they really are amazing little people. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how blessed I am to be at this point in my life, uncertainty and all.

I've also been thinking a lot about other mothers' experiences. Heather Kuttai and I met about ten years ago when I worked for Student Affairs and Services at the University of Saskatchewan as a summer student. Heather was the Director of Student Disability Services; she actually created the department. I remember being surprised when Heather told me that she had a son. I hope I didn't say anything stupid or naive, but I was twenty-one and it's entirely possible that I said something unintentionally offensive. See, Heather has a spinal cord injury and has used a wheelchair since she was six years old. I had never met a mother who was using a wheelchair when she was pregnant.

Heather had a daughter in 2005 and recently wrote a book about her experiences as a pregnant woman with a disability, Maternity Rolls. It's a very enlightening and inspiring read. My experience with pregnancy is nothing like Heather's, other than I understand what it's like to put your body through all kinds of indignities in order to be called Mom by your own flesh and blood. But while Heather started out from a place where no one really expected her to have children and she showed them wrong, my issue was the opposite - everyone expected that we would have kids and then we couldn't. It's worth celebrating that we both ended up at the same place: with a boy and a girl and more love than we could ever imagine.