Poop Puke and Tears

I've been wondering if one of the reasons why I've been having such a hard time blogging these days is because I'm not really identifying with the "working mother" aspect of it right now. The intent of the blog was to highlight issues relating to working mothers, both in my home life and in popular culture. I was still working on bringing it all together and now that I'm at home it feels like I've lost that focus completely. I don't assume that you want to read about how many diapers I've changed today (6), how many times I've been spit-up on (3) or how many tantrums I've dealt with (4), but it seems like most days that's my life. Poop, puke and tears.

Don't get me wrong: I love being home with my kids. In between the poop and puke there are moments of true discovery, like today when Mia started reaching out to touch one of the toys on her playmat for the first time. And part of me is very comfortable with domesticity. Both my husband and I agree that I've taken to motherhood and being at home more than either of us expected. I'm still working, but it's a different kind of work.

I hope to get my focus back soon. I think the time has come to start laying the groundwork for what I want to do when it's time to earn some real money again. Not too soon, but I want to be prepared.

Where to Begin

This afternoon I should have spent some time cleaning out my closet. Instead, I've spent an hour and a half here at the computer, checking my email, Facebook, and doing a bit of surfing. There was a purpose to all of this - it was directed surfing, or research, if you will - but it still feels like I wasted an afternoon.

I hate that feeling. There is so much to get done around the house that I think I'm nearly paralyzed by it all, but then I remind myself that my baby demands to be held nearly 80% of the time and there is only so much one can do with one hand. For example, this post? Typed with one hand. Cleaning the closet? I need at least two hands to take all this stuff to the recycling and/or trash bin.

I think I would feel more useful if I took a nap.

It's About Time

I just read over my last post and laughed. Here, I thought that I would have at least one day to get ready for the new baby, but that night my water broke (just after Glee - good timing!) and at 6:34pm on November 26, Mia Joy Chrusch joined our family.

That it's taken me until now to find a moment to update my blog to tell you about it should tell you something about the chaos that has since engulfed our house. It's wonderful chaos, but it's still chaos. Murray has said more than once that he figures two kids is all he can handle...although yesterday he said that if we do have more kids it will have to wait until these two are significantly older.

So there you have my New Year's Resolution: no babies (Gavin was born in 2008, Mia in 2009). I love my kids more than anything, but three babies in three years does not a happy mother make. Plus, dad will probably high-tail it out the door.

It didn't help matters much that Mia has been hospitalized twice for jaundice. Once was shortly after she was born, the other was on December 27. So far she seems to be okay - despite the insistence of various health professionals, my breast reduction eleven years ago did affect my milk supply and we should have been supplementing her with formula from the start, rather than have me spend a good twelve-fourteen hours/day for over a month trying to nurse her. After she was hospitalized again last week, we finally saw a pediatrician last week who just shook his head at the advice we'd received and told me to feed that girl formula, now. I'm still breastfeeding as much as I can, but after she gets what she can from me I'll give her a bottle to top her up. While it took nearly three weeks of me nursing for Mia to return to her birth weight (6lbs13oz), since last Sunday she's gained nearly a pound and we are all much, much happier.

To further complicate things, Mia and I were in a car accident on our way to her first doctor's appointment at the beginning of December. Our car was rear-ended and I have some pain in my lower back that I'm getting treated by a physiotherapist. So not only did I still have a new baby and Christmas to get ready for, I also had to deal with insurance companies and not being able to walk properly and trying to get my car fixed. It was, in short, the longest month ever.

But it's been pretty great too. Mia is a wonderful baby and Gavin has been a great big brother. The thing about newborns though is that they are demanding, and right now mine is demanding that I feed her. I would promise that my next post won't be another month away, but given recent events I'm not even going to go there. We'll see.