Question

If your kid really wants to be a singer/actor/dancer but is...ummm...lacking in the talent department, do you encourage them to follow their dreams? Or do you try to suggest another path?

The reason I ask is because CMT was showing repeats of their Karaoke Star Jr. contest that happened earlier this year and some the kids were just not good. Some were quite talented, but others were pretty horrible. Of course the judges all spoke like they'd graduated from the Paula Abdul School of Judging (i.e. no real criticism of any kind), which was understandable given the contestants' ages (9-14). I just kept wondering how their mothers let them believe that trying out for this thing was a good idea.

Then I remembered how when I was younger all I wanted to be was the next Mini-Pop, and then maybe a famous singer in my own right. I was so convinced of my talent, I truly believed that the only reason why it couldn't happen was because I needed to live in New York or London or Toronto. I took voice lessons for several years and put on my share of public performances. Looking back, I don't think I was bad, but since then I've been able to put it all in context, i.e. I was good for the talent available in our area at the time.

But who knows? Maybe I'm selling myself short because I know in my heart that if I had to do it over again, maybe I would have focused more on performing. Maybe I would have found the courage to move to Toronto or London or New York to try to make a go of it.

Oh, who am I kidding. I would have probably moved home by Christmas.

It's All Good

The other night a friend and I were talking about how with all of the celebrity baby obsession, you never hear about any of them having any complications, no mid-term miscarriages, etc. Everything turns out perfectly fine. I find it kind of frustrating because it gives people the false impression that's how it really is. Yet, she has a friend who has been on bed rest since 24 weeks trying to prevent pre-term labour, and I know of at least four women who have lost babies at the 5-6 month mark, and several more who have discovered severe complications at their mid-term ultrasounds. A Google search turned up information on several early miscarriages (of the "no one even knew I was pregnant variety"), but that's it.

It's not like I wish this kind of situation on anyone, celebrity or not. I just wish that women had more realistic expectations of (really) What to Expect When You're Expecting.

But rather than spend too much time on that depressing topic, I wanted to share this picture of Gavin, all dressed up to watch his Saskatchewan Riders play football. They're playing right now and he's downstairs watching the game with his dad. It's finally summer here in Calgary so we're heading out in a little bit to enjoy the weather. All in all, I need to count my blessings and realize that I have it pretty good.

Hold Me

An Australian study recently revealed that infants of working mothers get about as much "cuddle time" as children of stay-at-home moms. The study basically puts to bed the idea that moms who stay home are spending every waking minute interacting with her kids, saying that, on average, SAHM spend just 83 minutes/day more with their children than working moms.

That caught me off-guard, until a commenter said that it was probably because SAHM have a lot to do around the house during the day, like laundry and cooking meals, etc. I suppose that makes sense, but who do they think is doing that at my house? Of course, I have a fantastic husband who does a lot of the regular household chores, but not all of us have hired help. I think what it boils down to more than anything is that for me, if the choice is between spending time with my son and washing the floor, my floor will stay dirty (at least for awhile, I'm not a total slob).

But if you'll excuse me I need to go. It's my day off and Gavin and I are going to the park. The mop is staying in the closet...for now.

What We Value

My career path so far has been...well, let's say meandering. I'm on my fourth (!) job since graduating law school seven years ago, and it's not that I've been fired or downsized or anything like that. It's just taking me some time to figure out what it is I really want to do with my life.

I remember having a discussion with a co-worker at job #2 that part of the problem I have with identifying a vocational path is because I've always focused on the values I want present in my life, rather than to any objective career goal. That is, instead of saying, "I want to be partner at my law firm within 6 years.", it's been "I want to have a job that fulfills me intellectually and allows me to use my talents while still maintaining a reasonable work-life balance." As I've said here before, my work is only part of who I am and I try hard not to let it define me.

So when I find a job that isn't intellectually fulfilling, or where I feel like my talents are being wasted, it's really hard to stay focused. I feel that my time is worth more than that. I'm also realizing that I'm not alone in this philosophy. Whereas it used to be that a person got a job after university and stayed there for the rest of his or her career, it seems like most of my age cohort are pros at maneuvering between occupations. Several have started their own businesses. No one blinks twice if you tell them that you've started yet another new job; most of them have been there before.

Still, I often feel the need to justify my work history, to explain that I'm not flaky, that there have been sincere concerns behind my reasons for leaving one job for another. I feel like I should have it all figured out by now and panic about falling behind. I've tried - successfully - to maintain good relationships with my former employers, but I worry that future employers may look at my resume with caution, afraid to hire someone who has more loyalty to her values than to theirs.

I've heard all kinds of explanation for this sort of behaviour, but I think the best summation comes from Tammy Erickson's article, "Why Generation X Has the Leaders We Need Now" on the Harvard Business Review website. How validating to discover that I'm not the only one of my generation to approach my career this way. That I'm not a flake! I especially liked her last paragraph:

You will have the opportunity to change the corporate template, and create organizations that are more conducive to your values. As leaders, you will be able to reshape the organizations you lead to make them better places for future generations and yourselves, make them more humane, and break the cultural norms of corporate life — long hours, a focus on full-time work, heterogeneous perspectives, and language of combat. You will bring your desire to create better alternatives, including how to balance work with commitments beyond the corporation and finding meaning in work. Most importantly, your preference for "alternative" and your inclination to innovate will allow you to look for a different way forward.

Now if I could just stay somewhere long enough to make a difference...

The Week That Was

I'm sitting here at my parents' place, having driven here this morning to collect my child. It was different not having him around this week, but we did get a lot done (although I will admit that I have finally come to the conclusion that I have no artistic ability, whatsoever. It's no longer one of those things that "if I just try hard enough" I can come up with something respectable. Not even close.).

I think it was also really good for Murray and I to get a chance to reconnect, just the two of us. We went on a date for the first time since January 4, 2008. We may have gone out for dinner that night, but I know for sure that we ended it at the theatre watching Juno. Two days later instead of watching someone else have a baby I was having my own. And that was the end of any "dates" for Murray and I.

The first thing we did on our "date" (I don't know why I keep putting that in quotation marks, like it wasn't a real date or something) we went for a bike ride together. We don't have a bike trailer yet so it's something that either one of us can do at a time or not at all. So far this year the "not at all" option has been winning. I think it was probably my last bike ride for the year too; my belly keeps getting in the way.

Afterward we went out for a nice dinner and then headed to the theatre to watch The Hangover. Now I'd heard a lot of good things about this movie, but nothing that gave me any indication that it would be appropriate for the under 12 set. Yet there it was, about 20 minutes into the movie. The baby (!) in the row behind us started crying. I totally judged the baby's mother.

So we had our date, and then the work week started and I got a lot of painting done and now I get to bring my baby back home. It's time.

Not Here

This week I'm a Working Mother without a baby. Gavin has gone to stay with his grandparents (my parents) so that his Dad and I can get a few things done around the house, such as painting his bedroom, that will be much easier to do without him here.

Right now it feels really weird that he's gone. I know he's in good hands, so that's not a worry. I'm just so used to having to look after him that it's kind of disconcerting.

Tonight Murray and I are going on our first date in a really long time, about a year. It's time.

Well, if he can do it...

The term "family-friendly workplace" gets thrown around a lot. In a lot of ways it's kind of like the elusive Canadian identity: hard to define, but you know it when you see it. There are certain jobs that are inherently family-friendly. Teachers, for example, can usually take holidays at the same time as their kids and have somewhat reasonable hours. Others are not so family-friendly, like law, where a large part of your success depends on the amount of time you have to work. Too often these professions brush off any attempts to be more family-friendly by saying, "This is the job and if you don't like it, find something else.", rather than take any concrete steps to address the situation.

I can only imagine that the demands of being an adviser to an important politician or elected official are hell on a family. I mean, I've seen The West Wing. I know. Most of these people are on-call 24/7, and it's not like their jobs involve stuff like figuring out how many widgets to buy. It's more like, "If we don't bail out the auto industry is the entire country going to go into the toilet?" kind of stuff. And it's not like you can tell North Korea to hold off on testing that missile until Tuesday because your daughter has a piano recital on Monday that you'd really like to attend.

That's why this article was so encouraging. Because if the President of the United States can make concrete efforts to help his advisers be there for their children, then what excuse do other bosses have? Are there sacrifices? Sure. It's inevitable that sometimes the recital will get missed. What it does is send a clear message that no job, no matter how important, is more important than your family. Now that's change I can believe in.

Too Young to Have it All?

I don't know much about the WNBA. I mean, I've heard of Lisa Leslie (who my husband has been watching on the ABC show The Superstars...it's so lame but he gets a kick out of watching these ex-athletes try to strut their stuff) and Sheryl Swoopes, but that's about it. I was, however, really interested to read about the newest WNBA superstar, Candace Parker, and her recent introduction to the New Mom Club in today's NY Times.

It's rare for female athletes to have children so young in their careers. Try as I might, I can't think of another example of someone of Parker's calibre who has. No matter what the sport, the usual route is for the athlete to reach their peak and then stop to have children as a kind of retirement project.

A huge part of the reason why has to be the toll pregnancy takes on your body. There's no way a top athlete can continue their regular training regimen when their pregnant and it's so competitive that any time spent away from training can be the death knell to an otherwise promising career.

Parker is fortunate in that she is so talented that it won't take her long to get back into top form. While her absence has caused a lot of anxiety among the WNBA, I admire her decision to do things the untraditional way. It's about time we all realized that no matter what our career, there shouldn't be a set timetable to enter motherhood. It's when the time is right for you, that's all.

Welcome to the club Candace. Good Luck.