Gratitude

This past Monday morning Gavin still had his cough, so I decided to take him to to the Medicentre. As I'd thought, it was nothing but I was still glad I went. I don't know what it says about the state of health care here in Alberta that when I arrived at the Medicentre 45 minutes before it opened, there were already about 12 people lined up in front of me. Thankfully I only had to wait about half an hour to see someone once we finally made it inside. Everyone is just so paranoid and panicked.

Last night Murray and I finally got around to watching a movie together. It has been several months since the last time that happened, and I'm not talking about going to the theatre. I mean, it's been several months since we managed to flip through the Shaw on Demand menu. Usually by the end of the week we're both too tired to stay awake for anything.

The movie we watched was Sam Mendes' Away We Go, starring Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski as Bert and Verona, a couple embarking on parenthood, worried - as are most parents - that they are in way over their heads. As they travel around the country (and Montreal!) they realize that they are in much better shape than most of their friends and family, and while I don't know that the worry that you are going to mess up your kid really ever goes away, by the end of the movie they make peace with the fact that they can just do their best and hopefully that will be enough.

One of the couples that Bert and Verona visit are some old college friends now living in Montreal. The friends have adopted several children and appear to be living as a happy, well-adjusted, mini-UN kind of family. We find out later that the wife/mother has just suffered her fifth miscarriage, and realize, along with Bert and Verona, that appearances can be deceiving.

Fortunately, I have never had to experience a "true" miscarriage. Technically I had one, but because it's doubtful that the pregnancy was viable I'm not quite sure how to classify it. (As an aside, I will vigourously debate anyone who says that you can't be just a "little bit" pregnant. Oh yes you can.) I know that out of five embryos we had one healthy baby, and I grieve that loss. I also know that the feeling of utter helplessness will never totally leave me; it's there every time I see or read a portrayal of a couple dealing with infertility, a constant reminder to be grateful for everything I have and a reminder of how it could have totally gone the other way.

I'm ready to meet our new baby. There's just six weeks or so left before s/he's due to come. To think that three years ago, I really didn't know if we would ever be able to have a family and now we're going to have at least two children. I can't do anything but give thanks.