Mr. Mom

I know few people my age who weren't influenced by at least one of John Hughes' movies, so when he died last Thursday it brought out quite a bit of introspection. I mean, while my parents never forgot my sixteenth birthday (or any birthday), there were days when I felt like there was so much going on in our house that I could run away and it would take awhile for anyone to notice. Most importantly, Molly Ringwald also had red hair and freckles and boys liked her so there was hope for me yet.

What I didn't realize until all of the obituaries for Mr. Hughes started making the rounds was that he was also responsible for Mr. Mom. I'm not a huge cinephile, but the only major male character that I recall taking on the 'mother' role prior to Mr. Mom was Atticus Finch, but he also brought home the bacon, so to speak. At the time I was watching Mr. Mom, the deeper themes of gender role-reversal and its true effect on a marriage were entirely lost on me. And there was a lot of comedy inherent in the idea of the movie itself, like, "Can you imagine a Dad trying to be a Mom? As if!"

Last fall when Murray and I first moved to Calgary we had our own little "Mr. Mom" scenario going on. I was back at work full-time and Murray stayed at home with Gavin. We put Gavin into daycare for a few days/week so Murray could concentrate on another business opportunity, but he was still responsible for most of the day-to-day stuff in our household. I think it's safe to say that the stigma attached to being a stay-at-home dad is lessening to a certain degree (as one of Murray's cousins put it, "Live the dream Murray. Live the dream."), but how far have we really come in the past twenty-six years?

Murray investigated a number of different groups for him and Gavin to join, but that didn't work out so well. He was really looking forward to joining the neighborhood playgroup that meets at the local community centre every Tuesday and Thursday. The first day he went he was the only dad, and not one other parent (mom) spoke to him. His attempts to make conversation were more or less ignored. He tried a few more times but it didn't get much better so they quit going. The stay-at-home Dads group that he found online met once at the local mall. It was Murray and Gavin and one other dad and his daughter. They sat at the food court and...that was it.

Compare that to my New Moms' group that still connects with each other on a regular basis, or the number of Mommy & Me groups that are available. On the other hand, there were a lot of dads who took swimming lessons with their kids during the session that Gavin and I were in, but I'm guessing that's because it was scheduled for 6:30pm, a time when most working dads could attend. The day sessions probably would have been a much different story.

Right now both Murray and I are working. I will be home for at least six months after the new baby is born, but who knows what will happen after that? Murray may be a Mr. Mom again. He's a great dad who takes care to make sure Gavin's eating well and has no qualms about changing a dirty diaper. There are no gas masks here. I hope that if there is a next time he'll find more support, from both moms and dads.