The Daily Dance

I just came across Motherlode, the NY Times' parenting blog written by Lisa Belkin.

Yesterday, the topic was "How a Parent Gets Through the Day". It quoted from an article in the Times that day about Tim and Megan and how they manage child care, two full-time jobs and their marriage. At the end of her post, Lisa asked commenters to describe their own "dance". What followed was a very interesting portrait of what it's like to balance raising kids with paid work in America today, 161 examples in all.

Most of the discussion was respectful, although there were a few individuals who brought up, "You should only have kids if you can afford them.", an argument that doesn't make sense, because it says that only rich people should procreate, from people living in what is the best example of a meritocracy that you will find in the world.

Since my husband went back to work full-time in January, we've developed our own routine and so far it's working pretty well. We both get up around 6am, Murray goes downstairs to get our breakfast ready while I get myself ready. If Gavin is awake, Murray will feed him breakfast too. I'll come downstairs, get Gavin's bag for daycare ready and pack our lunches, quickly eat breakfast then get Gavin dressed so we can all be out the door by 7:30. I drop Gavin off at daycare and then catch the train to work. I can usually get to the office by 8:20. Murray picks Gavin up around 5 and makes supper and waits for me to get home, usually around 6:30. I'll play with Gavin and give him his bath (if it's bath night) and every night I get him ready for bed and read him stories before he goes to sleep. We try to spend most of the weekend together.

I'm fortunate because Murray's job allows him to get home before me, because our daycare provider is understanding if we're late picking him up (which can happen if the roads are bad, but we try), and because I have a husband who takes on more than his fair share of the household duties so I can work. It's not for everybody, but it works for us (so far).

I don't subscribe to the philosophy that the only possible way children will end up to be productive members of society is for at least one parent to be with the child as much as possible. Am I suggesting that parents should just drop the kids off with the nanny and be done with it? Not at all; they're children, not accessories. But I think that as long as children know that they are loved, they'll turn out okay. Right?