My Personal Survival Kit

Another quick post while I'm on my lunch break. I meant to post last night but ended up having login issues. Grrrr.

I have realized that the large weight that seems to be pressing down on my chest needs to be addressed. No, there's nothing physically wrong...yet. But unless I figure out a way to deal with the chaos, there will probably be an early grave with my name on it.

Now most of this is mental. I know I have control issues (just ask my husband). I have tried to "relax", to "just let it go", to "not sweat the small stuff", but most days I'm so wound up it's like my shoulders meet my ears and I'm so sweaty the odor is almost embarrassing. I've realized I can't do this on my own. I need some kind of tools to help me manage my life and while in the ideal world "tools" = "good bottle of wine", I need other tools that are less...alcoholic.

So far I've come up with two things that will hopefully help. The first will make my mother cringe, but Murray and I have decided to investigate hiring a cleaning lady (or man, we're not sexist). Even if it's just once/month, I would prefer to pay someone to clean my bathroom than to be reminded of my incompetence as a wife/housekeeper every time I brush my teeth or have a shower. And it's not that I have particularly high standards of cleanliness; it's more the idea that I should be doing x,y and z and if I don't the Mommy Patrol will come and take away my license. It's not so much about control as it is about my fear of being judged, but that's another issue altogether.

The second thing is my Mommy Track'd organizer that I've ordered from Amazon. It should be here today or tomorrow. I'm not a Blackberry kind of person, and even if I were I don't think it would help me organize my life the way I need. Plus, I guess when it comes down to it I'm just more of a paper person. I like making notes and writing lists. I am hopeful that this time I will remember to keep updating the organizer, rather than fill it all out the day it arrives and then let it languish at the bottom of my tote bag for the rest of eternity.

So we'll see how this goes. In the meantime, I'm going to stock up on Shiraz.